Temporary

I realize I haven't blogged for a while. Let me tell you what's been going on...

John and I have been remodeling. We came to a point where we were trying to decide on a back door. John wanted a traditional slider, while I prefer French doors (about three times more expensive-oops) When John started to raise a stink about the price on the French doors, then I thought, "Well, I've recently inherited some money, and this would be a great way to use it; Grandma would approve!"

Then it occurred to me that I thought of that kind of quickly. In my first marriage there was a lot of joint ownership to unravel. Who owned what, who owed what... I even had to share Elizabeth! It was ugly, and I swore I would never do that again. So when John and I decided to get married, for the sake of our family, we decided on a simple, non-traditional commitment ceremony. It seemed like the perfect solution... all of the commitment, public recognition, blending of experiences, without any of the legal hassle.

It seemed to work well for us... until lately. A little over a year ago, John's mom passed away, and he inherited her house and property. We decided to move in, make some changes and make a home for ourselves. It has been a fabulous year, but suddenly we are finding that our lives are blending to such a point that it is including our finances!

Before I bought a french door and in any other way, invested in the house, I wanted to make sure my investment would last, would be enjoyed and would be used. I wanted to make sure it was "our" house; a place where I belong and where I have some say. Grandma's money is the only thing that I've ever had in my life that is mine, and only mine... I could put it to use in this place and build something that is really important... or so I thought.

John and I discussed legality of the issue, and he flatly refused to make me a part owner in the place. I understand what he is doing, trying to keep that line between yours and mine. Also, land ownership would cancel any of my social security benefits. So practically it made sense. However, it still hurt my feelings.

Many a night he has been home late from whatever and of course I've imagined him lying in a ditch and it makes me wonder what would happen to me if he didn't come home one night. I believe his nephew is next in line to inherit this house, so in all practicality, I would be without a husband AND without a home... all in one fell swoop! So in wanting co-ownership, I was really trying to arrange some security for myself. God-willing, I did not ever want to be in the position where I was grieving for my husband and trying to find someplace else to live! But it wasn't meant to be. Security is a myth...

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure."
Helen Keller
U.S. Blind & deaf educator (1880-1968)

Do any of us really "own" anything? Can any of us really "own" a piece of the earth (What we call "property")?

"The Earth does not belong to us; We belong to the Earth".
Chief Seattle

Long story short, John is remodeling HIS house, I'm not involved. I'm just a glorified squatter... but aren't we all? So I wonder what I WILL do with Grandma's money? hmmmm...